The journey to wholeness is like Texas sized potholes and along the way I have met all kinds of folks, some were pleasant and amiable while others were downright disconcerting. When I would feel a wave of irritation and annoyance, a part of me would remember what it felt like to be a rejected child.
Why, you ask? I was triggered.
This was caused by turmoil that would break out in my home, and when it did I would wiggle my way underneath the house; as a teen I would escape to my bedroom; when I became an adult I would check into a hotel. Crying was always included. While I was in hiding I pondered what to do because I knew that I needed a permanent solution. Suicidal ideation and fear were my constant friends, always whispering in my ear that the only solution I had was to run away from life. The thought of leaving this Earth was akin to paradise.
I did not fulfill that desire out of fear of the unknown. The closest thing I could do was turn inside myself so that I would be invisible. And I hid well. I was a mediocre student, a distant daughter, and no one noticed that I had checked out.
It wasn’t until I finished college that I asked Jesus to be my Savior, and realized that He had always been there. I wasn’t aware of Him nor His Angels watching over me, even as I made some really bad choices. All of Heaven was well aware of what I would experience in my family, and they had prepared the way beforehand.
We come to Earth prepackaged with the talents, gifts and skills to run the race, and to finish successfully. Every step of the way is a choice of our will. Because God loves us, He intervenes by sending people, and/or He sets up situations that we may or may not notice; they are His ways of escape 1 Corinthians 10:13.
The Lord’s promise in Hebrews 13:5 states, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Therefore, we are a part of His plan to rescue all of creation from His enemies. His purpose, His plan and His design for our existence on this Earth is a “Big Deal”.
In a nutshell, the potholes in my path have not been filled with cement to make it smooth, however, they have not stopped me from moving forward either. It is a part of the strength training. Despite how I feel about my past or current circumstances, I grow, I learn, and I am prepared for the next half of the journey.
Lastly, the people that I meet on this journey remind me of my testimony of God’s goodness. Now, it’s my turn to do for others what He has designed me to do